Is Suzanne Venker advocating marital rape…?

She has written extensively about politics, parenting, and the influence of feminism on American society for more than a decade. But, reading Suzanne Venker’s post the top 10 dos and don’t’s of wifedom, has left me nothing short of stunned. The list’s introduction reads: “Below are my top 10 Dos and Don’ts for being a good wife. They are not (naturally) politically correct, but they work. I do not address men here, only women. So don’t come back with, “What about him? What does he have to do?” My book, How to Choose a Husband, speaks to women, not men, and that’s where this list comes from.”

Number 1 on the list had my jaw drop and my chin bang hard on the floor: “When it isn’t absolutely necessary to speak up, don’t. Silence can be golden.” I did a quick check of my iPhone calendar and discoverd that it was, in fact, 2013. The days of women being silent are long gone. She may as well have said that women should only speak when spoken to or should be seen and not heard. It’s statements like those of this list that make me wonder if the single biggest obstacle to feminism and equality isn’t men/patriarchal society but other women.

Otherwise known as rape!

Number one on the list may well have had my heart racing, but number 2 on the list caused it to come to a complete and grinding halt! Number 2 advises us women to “Have regular sex, even if it’s just a quickie and you’re not in the mood.” Here it is again in case you didn’t quite grasp its meaning the first time: “Have regular sex, even if it’s just a quickie and you’re not in the mood.” In my opinion, she is advising women to have sex with their husbands when they don’t want to. Um, there’s a word for having sex when you don’t want to – rape! More specifially, marital rape.

The rest of her dos and don’ts are a sick joke – they have to be. Read them here, if you think your heart can handle the craziness. I know she says they aren’t politically correct, but what she wrote after that terrifies me – “it works”. It works to have sex with your husband when you’d rather not? Ladies, I beg of you, NEVER HAVE SEX WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE IT. I can’t stress that enough. Have sex when you and your partner BOTH want it. Don’t have sex just to please your partner.

There is so much I could say about this list, but I won’t. I’ve actually been known, in the past, to agree with Venker on a few points – but honestly, I am reeling. I’m raising two daughters and I have to wonder about a society, a culture that first teaches young women “don’t have sex until you’re married” and then when you are married “have sex when you don’t want to”. What kind of a fucked-up sex education is that to give our daughters, our young women, our future women leaders? What does it teach our sons, our young men, our future men leaders? Well, it teaches them that men can have sex whenever they want and never mind what the woman wants, thinks or feels. (The correct terminology for that is rape culture.)

It is time to stop this craziness once and for all.

Here is my by no means exhaustive guide to rape and sexual assualt and rape culture.

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Scooby Doo Live! Musical Mysteries

I bought my kids tickets to see this show at Toronto’s Sony Centre during March Break.  I don’t have too much to say expect that other seeing Disney cartoon characters live, nothing and no-one really truly captures the spirit of a kids’ cartoon character on stage, and Scooby Doo walking about on stage on two in a furry costume didn’t really cut it for me. We have seen a lot of kids’ show stage performances over the years, and I am a huge fan of Sesame Street Live but kids are too old for that now, and I patiently await grandchildren so I can take them.

My expectations for this show were low even before I bought tickets, and I wasn’t disappointed. The actors did well, and I have no complaints about the singing, dancing, or acting. The show, however, was very poorly executed and there were several glaringly obvious on-stage mistakes.

The plot was gossamer thin and since there were only three other character apart from the gang, one of who was a non-verbal stage-hand, and one of who had only  several lines of dialogue, it was fairly obvious who the ghost was.

The entire show only lasted an hour and there was a long intermission of about 25 minutes.  Overall, we spent more time travelling to the show, than we did watching the show.

My recommendation is that is you have kids 6 and under, who love Scooby Doo and will enjoy just being there, then go for it. If you’re kids are a little older, and like mine, have seen a lot of major stage show and mega musicals, and are complete theatre buffs, save your money for something better.  Even if your kids haven’t seen large-scale professional shows, but they have seen well–executed community theatre, think carefully about spending your money on shows like Disney and Scooby Doo.

Children’s Theatre: My kids and I had a blast last summer in Toronto at Cow Over Moon‘s small (roughly) 30 seater theatre for a performance of Pinocchio. We laughed non-stop, and my kids loved the random audience participation moments. The actors all hung around to meet the kids and give away posters which they sat and individually signed, and they posed for photos too.  Good theatre is good theatre, and this definitely was. Please try to broaden your kids’ horizons and don’t just buy into the material aspect of furthering the profit of the conglomerates that make kids’ shows.

There are good shows out there. Scooby Doo just isn’t one of them. It was what exactly I expected it to be though – thoughtless, brainless fun and entertainment, and not exactly worth the price of admission.  If you have money to spare and you just want mindless fun, then go ahead and see this show.

Scooby Doo Live! tickets and pricing information available here at Ticketmaster.

Disney on Ice – Rockin’ Ever After

Billed as “a new twist on fairytale fun, favourite Disney characters compete to be the next superstar in comical segments leading up to the tales of show stopping princesses — Ariel, Rapunzel, Belle, and Merida from Disney•Pixar’s BRAVE in her ice debut!” – this show about the eighth Disney of Ice show I’ve seen with my kids, and my far my least favourite. This could be because we have so many and the novelty may have started to wear off, or because my daughters are now 8 and 11 and could be getting too old, or because I’ve seen better.

I think it’s the latter – we all love figure skating and despite what I wrote in Mickey Mouse Monopoly and in  More than just a Film, More than just a Toy, there IS still something truly magical about the whole Disney Experience.

Because I am Scottish, I enjoyed the inclusion of Merida in this show and seeing kilts and bagpipes on the ice. Apart from that, this was a show that lacked a lot of the classic Disney characters and centred on the princesses from The Limited Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Tangled, and Brave.

It was choppy and the storyline that was supposed to join each segment didn’t flow too well. There was a very noticeable lack of classic Disney tunes – which I find normally add to the magic – and a greater focus on some rock and pop tunes, hence the name of the show.

If you’ve seen a lot of Disney on Ice, and you just want a different show, then this is the one for you. If you’re looking to get your first tickets to Disney on Ice and/or take little boys along, this isn’t really the show for you. I’ve seen other show that have include all the classic characters, shows with just the princesses  or all the great Disney villains (which is the show my younger daughter enjoyed the most), and shows with the great animal characters like Timon and Puumba.

We got our tickets for free because we attended a Disney book drive and donated several brand new children’s book to charity, and we also got a chance to meet Belle, have photos taken with her, and have sneak preview of the show. A local news station covered the story here.
For more information, go to the Disney on Ice website, facebook page, or twitter feed.